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Ken
Age: 62
Location: Chicago, IL
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Whats Santas don't want


 Things A Department Store Santa Doesn't Want To Hear From Kids


10. "Remember me? I'm the kid with the weak bladder"

9. "You smell like supermarket gin"

8. "The real miracle on 34th Street would be if they accepted my
    mom's MasterCard"

7. "I want a 2004 Pontiac Aztec"

6. "Oh, by the way, if I don't get an X-Box, I'm gonna hunt you
    down, old man"

5. "I'm Jewish"

4. "I love you Kenny Rogers"

3. "Frankly I'm just here to humor my parents"

2. "While I'm talking to you, my mom is shoplifting blouses"

1. "Mom says you're my real daddy

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Toys Not found at Toys R us

Not At Toys R Us


Toys You Won't See (at Toys R Us) This Christmas

~ Drill 'Em 'N Fill 'Em" Home Dentistry Kit

~ Boobs in a Bottle" Breast Enlargement Formula

~ "Jump-Start" Home Defibrilator Save someone from a heart attack
  without the hassle of rushing them to a hospital!

~ "Golden Shower" Beer The only alcoholic beverage made from 100%
  recycled beer.

~ "Time Life Books Presents Home Surgery"

~ 'Stripper Fun' Barbie

~ The Book of Mormon, Episode II

~ "No Thanks" Trapdoor for Solicitors Installed with iron spikes,
  crocodiles cost extra

~ "Balz-Off" Testosterone Repressor

~ Keychain Belly Rings Hang your keys on your belly button!

~ 'Gynecologist' Ken Comes with 'Sexy Patient' Barbie

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Whats Santas don't want


 Things A Department Store Santa Doesn't Want To Hear From Kids


10. "Remember me? I'm the kid with the weak bladder"

9. "You smell like supermarket gin"

8. "The real miracle on 34th Street would be if they accepted my
    mom's MasterCard"

7. "I want a 2004 Pontiac Aztec"

6. "Oh, by the way, if I don't get an X-Box, I'm gonna hunt you
    down, old man"

5. "I'm Jewish"

4. "I love you Kenny Rogers"

3. "Frankly I'm just here to humor my parents"

2. "While I'm talking to you, my mom is shoplifting blouses"

1. "Mom says you're my real daddy

Add a Comment
Toys Not found at Toys R us

Not At Toys R Us


Toys You Won't See (at Toys R Us) This Christmas

~ Drill 'Em 'N Fill 'Em" Home Dentistry Kit

~ Boobs in a Bottle" Breast Enlargement Formula

~ "Jump-Start" Home Defibrilator Save someone from a heart attack
  without the hassle of rushing them to a hospital!

~ "Golden Shower" Beer The only alcoholic beverage made from 100%
  recycled beer.

~ "Time Life Books Presents Home Surgery"

~ 'Stripper Fun' Barbie

~ The Book of Mormon, Episode II

~ "No Thanks" Trapdoor for Solicitors Installed with iron spikes,
  crocodiles cost extra

~ "Balz-Off" Testosterone Repressor

~ Keychain Belly Rings Hang your keys on your belly button!

~ 'Gynecologist' Ken Comes with 'Sexy Patient' Barbie

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THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (BDSM STYLE)

On the 1st day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
A Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my
knees.
 
On the 4th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather
Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 5th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 6th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS,.4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 7th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 8th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 9th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6
Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
On the 10th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7
Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 11th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8
Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.
 
On the 12th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
12 Orgasms Screaming, 11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

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Barbie's Nasty Christmas Letter To Santa
Barbie's Nasty Christmas Letter To Santa Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list: 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweat shirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt? 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLDimitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL man...maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct. 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done. 6. A jogging bra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec. 8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 47 years (1959). I think I deserve it. Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie
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What a great plan
WHAT A GREAT PLAN.... Thanks Robin Williams !! You gotta love Robin Williams...... even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is forJohn Bolton our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan... (Hard to argue with this logic!) "I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan." *1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again. *2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence. *3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them. *4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. *5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby. *6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while . *7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we'll go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.) *8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of know that what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything. *9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens. *10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. *11) The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE... Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' " If you agree with the above, forward it to friends...If not, and I would be amazed, DELETE it!! May God bless you. God Bless America.
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Pilgrims and Thanks Giving Dinner
I off line message was sent to me and got me thinking, for those who know me it can be a little dangerous, or so I've been told. Here I am thinking About how funny history is and how one thing can change the out come in History. Ok now we all know the story of the Pilgrims and the Indians (or Native Americans to be Politically correct) had come together and how the 1st Thanksgiving got started, and because of this, we know what is served in millions of home every year through out this country, its yams, corn, mashed potatos stuffing and of course the one and only (taduntada) the Turkey OH YUM YUM Don't get me wrong I like the old Turkey, but my friends it is BORING always the same stuff oh sure some of us have added things like some jellied cranberrys and some jellos and other things of that nature, but its still its BORING. With that said did you realize that if the indians would have killed a cat instead of a turkey we all would be eating nice and warm Pussy for our thanksgiving Dinner Now all I want to know is how do we change this bit of history, so this way I can get to eat this what I really want this Thanks Giving, Happy Thanks Giving all
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